North Dakota
North Dakota, often referred to as Minnesota's Portugal, or South Dakota's North Korea, is a Midwestern state in the United States. It is home to the largest population of African Elephants outside of Illinois, Asia and Africa. This population of elephants has tripled in the past six months. North Dakota is also the northernmost of the Boring Plains states. It became an integral part of the American homeland in 1776. Discovery North Dakota was discovered in 76 BC by Paleo-Vikings who were seeking a water route between Hudson Bay and Salt Lake City. History Four Civil War battles were fought in North Dakota, which is unusual in that there were no Confederates within 1000 miles. However General Alfred Sully was not a man to be deterred by a lack of enemies, so in lieu of Confederates he attacked Indians. Achieving Statehood North Dakota achieved statehood in 1889 after its secession from the Democratic People's Republik of Minnesota (DPRM). North Dakota Today Today, North Dakota is a barren wasteland that is covered with snow almost all year long and brimming with God's harbringers of righteousness (commonly known as nuclear ICBMs). Only idiots live here. With an Massive Oil Boom producing a new millionaire every three days, we let the fools think we're idiots and happily roll around in our piles of money! Demographics There is one black guy in North Dakota, his name is Henry and he came here by mistake. He has settled among the native women who worship him as a god. North Dakota's gigantic buffets are kept full by an army of Chinese immigrant/spies, who exploit the state's expert knowledge on snow removal for their own nefarious commie agendas. North Dakota also contains 5% Native Americans by volume. Geography Naturally, only the RED River stands between North Dakota and Communist Minnesota, and drains precious water from North and South Dakota into pinko Manitoba. Moving west, we find a bunch of sugar beets. Then some more. And so on. Anywho, eventually you're gonna get to the point where you have to slow the old Hummer down from 95 to climb up the Missouri Escarpment -- that's when you start going back down into the Big Muddy, the Missouri River. By that time you'll probably want to hang around Bismarck, take a few pictures, knock a few back, and head into the Badlands. And boy, let me tell you, those are some BAD LANDS. Like, don't hike down there without bringing at least two gallons of water and laying off the peyote, because no one's going to pick you up off the side of the road when you look more parched than a freeze-dried potato chip and you're spinning around like a helicopter. But if you do manage to attract the attention of a wayward rancher, you'll probably end up in Montana in a compromising position with an ewe. Cities *Bismarck *Colbert's Lake *Grand Forks *Megadeath *Minot *Oslo North Dakota Landmarks North Dakota's most popular landmark is the International Peace Garden. Famous North Dakotans Some say Lawrence Welk charmed the nation with his big band styling. Some say Eric Sevareid presented truthiness before it was cool. But the only North Dakotan that matters at all is Byron Dorgan, the most nailed of all North Dakotans, and long admired for having the best comb-over in Washington. A Typical Day in North Dakota # Wake up. # Grumble around a few minutes. # Make breakfast. # Go to work. # Eat lunch. # Pick up the kids. # Go home. # Host a raging kegger and invite the neighbor kids. # Fall asleep and repeat. Strange Laws Unique To North Dakota Walmarts in North Dakota are not allowed to have pharmacies. North Dakota In The News * As the rest of America's banks did the patriotic thing and imploded to protect America's dollar from The Secret Muslin "president," somehow the Bank of North Dakota went full-socialist! God, had other plans, however. That should teach them to never consider their own selfish needs over those of great American patriots. North Dakota: Fake State Shocking News! North Dakota is not a real State! Which means they are fureigners!!! External Links * Charitable Organizations in